I'll title my blog...My Blog Duh

2009-01-24T19:26:00.000-08:00

Hi world, I have been naughty, I haven't blogged for forever. I am getting reports that my blog is no longer checked, this is sad. I have no idea how I am going to catch up, there has been so much happening. So the most prominent life lessons from this time away have been;
1. I have learned to trust the spirit and more willingly let the Lord guide my actions and not to question his call although I may not understand it. In doing so I realize I have all the answers to life's questions inside my heart,as long as I am willing to obey the spirit.
2. I have learned to sit with rather than run from difficult feelings. As I do this I find they teach me and drive me in a direction that is good as long as I dont run from them.
3. I am learning to find joy in the fortunes of others instead of focusing on what I don't have.
4. I have developed a kinship to Hannah in the bible. I realate to her experience of mourning over what she couldn't have, wondering why others were allowed to have the blessings she wanted, but not her. Only to realize as she was being prepared to receive the same great blessings, but needed to be prepared spiritually to fulfill her great mission. Her example brings peace in the knowledge that all I need to do is turn to the Lord in all my dealings and wait, knowing that I am not forgotten and the Lord is waiting for me to be ready for lifes further missions and blessings.

2007-03-15T09:09:00.000-07:00

THE LORD ASKS LONELINESS OF US

Why am I blogging? Well I sat to vent, but I will be grateful, because I see the blessings. I love the quote, " where there's shadows there's sunshine" I have been feeling sorry for myself, undeserving of the difficut feelings that deep down I know have been placed by the master of lies. Yet I wonder of how undeserving of the pride I am, it is humbling to have to acknowledge the power I have there. It is the root of much emotional turmoil, even service is not satisfying, there is still deep down the expectation of something in return, emotional inteligence tells me that is contradictory. So therein lies the battle that rages in the silent chambers of the heart. As for loneliness I remind myself that even Christ was left alone at the most difficult of times, and I am grateful for the person that has continually reminded me of that, it is the Lords way of testing my faith, life will never run out of hurdles, if we dont place them oursleves then the Lord and Satan will make sure to fill in the gaps. Everything is for our growth, what a beautiful and comforting quote, upon which I am heavily leaining. I hope no one minds the serious nature of this blog, I admire the honesty of others who have blogged you are an example to me and help me to share more openly my feelings. You have blogged things that are difficult and I admire that, but those are the blogs that give me courage to open up the old heart and feel the relief that comes from sharing. Please excuse the onslaught of fun-on sentences, you can blame my mother, who feels as though every breath is her last and therefore must speak everything before the respiratory cycle has come full circle, and then what happens... well she takes another breath.

2007-03-02T09:09:00.000-08:00

A lot of the time the strengths we perceive in ourselves are indeed our weaknesses. I have often prided myself in my honesty, in fact have been curiously proud about this trait, but I wonder how honest I have been with myself. I look back and I have been honest at the most difficult of times and rendered myself completely vulnerable due to brutal honesty. Yet I question my level of self-honesty, it has harmed friendships and teriffies me. I sit here after giving council to a patient to continue talking about her feelings, and now I sit here thinking to myself HYPOCRITE!!!!!!!................Jer you're a bit of a crit. Honestly I don't share feelings well, and then wonder why I feel so much of the time disconnected. Even when my life is fairly well-aligned with that of my heavenly dad, I still have strong bouts of disconnectedness. I look at the lives of those I frequently come in contact with and am jealous, jealous of friendships, connections and wonder or fool myself into believing that I dont have those. I wonder if I can't recognize them and am realize that I may encroach upon sabotaging the ones that I do have, like a self-fulfilling prophecy. When a friendship occurs, it becomes strange and unnatural so I excuse it away, wow this has been enlightening. Thanks for hearing me out bloggin world, I am facing hard realities and you know what its fun. Embrace the challenge and its fun.

2007-02-03T16:55:00.000-08:00

THERES SOMETHING ABOUT MARY

"The shopping cart dream"

A week or two ago I had a dream about Mary Webster. I publish it to the world in the name of humor, but please dont analyze it , I dont want to know.

It was the year of our Lord 2007, the sun was mad hot and I was driving through the mall parking lot looking for the exit, when I saw her, the Mary Webster. I sidled up to the curb in my plush blue tin can of a car, reached over to roll down the window, accidentally laid on the horn and asked her if she needed a ride.

Mary : Yeah Jer, actually I'm going to the supermarket, that would be great.
Jeremy : Ok hop on in.

We proceeded to drive to the supermarket five minutes away and enroute engaged in conversation about life, love, and the opposite sex. In two shakes of a lambs bottom we were at the market and fully engaged in deep discussion. We parked and continued to converse in the baking sun, with no AC the effects were beginning to take their toll, so I came up with a brilliant idea. No...........it wasn't go in to the supermarket, both get our shopping done and be in the AC.

Me: Mary its hot.
Mary: Yes
Me: I have an idea.
Mary: Really
Me: Let s go sit in that shopping cart on the sidewalk in front of the supermarket, it'll be cooler out there, and we can finish this conversation.
Mary: Oh what a lovely idea.

Like a true gentleman I held her hand while she gracefully climbed into the shopping cart, and then started thinking about how I would get in without it rolling away. Luckily there was a kindly old homeless man nearby, who totally came to the rescue. His long white hair was matted to his face, and his eyes twinkled with kindly wisdom suggesting he may be a sage of sorts. It was intimidating to approach him, I feared he may laugh at my clever idea, but I needed his help so boldly I went forth.

Me: Sir, would you be kind enough as to hold this shopping cart while I get in.
Gandolf-like homeless guy: Of course.
Me: Thank you, very kind.

so there you have it me climbing into a shopping cart sweating like a frolicking pig, trying not to kick Mary in the face while I maneuveur myself to be sitting cross-legged across from her..........(did I mention we were in a shopping cart) discussing the deeper things of life in the sweltering sun.

Like I said please dont analyze it or jump to any rash judgements regarding my mental state.

2007-01-25T04:59:00.000-08:00

QUOTES FROM THE LOONEY BIN

"I'm a lesbian" ~ A man patient~

"Captain Jones wants me to call mission control, you've got to let me go they need me"
~ A man patient~

"You've got to rescue me, their holding me against my will"
~Note given to pizza delivery boy by a man patient~

Man patient: You got a girl?
Me: No
Man patient: You got a dog?
Me: No
Man patient: A cat????
Me: No
(pause to allow man patient to come up with the next logical question)
Man Patient: You got roaches???????
Me: Possibly, but I dont think so
Man Patient: Man you really are worse of than I am (Man patient walks off)
Me: (Left baffled and wondering how I'm gonna get my self-esteem back)

Me: Hey your slips showing
Man patient: Oh no (reaches down to frantically pull down jeans to cover up visual hallucination)

Man Patient: Hey I've got Diarrea wanna buy some.
Me: What would I use it for
Man patient: You could use it as gravy for your rice
Me: Thats disgusting
Man patient: Alright then you can buy a lump for fifty cents a pound. ( salesman voice)

2006-12-22T21:30:00.000-08:00

HELP!!!!

Can someone be merciful and show, tell, sign, somehow communicate to poor puter illiterate me how to make my title look different from the main text. Capitals just dont cut it anymore >

2006-12-04T14:05:00.000-08:00

CONLUSION OF THE DRAGON AND THE KINGS SON.

One cold, moonless night their excursion became a foray against a sleeping village. Torching the thatched roofs with fiery blasts from his nostrils, the dragon roared with delight when the terrified victims fled from their burning homes. Swooping in, the serpent belched again and flames engulfed a cluster of screaming villagers. The prince closed his eyes tightly in order to shut out the carnage.
In the predawn hours, when the prince crept back from his dragon trysts, the road outside his father's castle usually remained empty. But not tonight. Terrified refugees streamed into the protective walls of the castle. The prince attempted to slip through the crowd to close himself in his chambers, but some of the survivors stared and pointed toward him.
"He was there," one woman cried out,"I saw him on the back of the dragon." Others nodded their heads in angry agreement. Horrified, the prince saw that his father , the King, was in the courtyard holding a bleeding child in his arms. The King's face mirrored the agony of his people as his eyes found the prince's. The son fled, hoping to escape into the night, but the guards apprehended him as if he were a common thief. They brought him to the great hall where his father sat solemnly on the throne. The people on every side railed against the prince.
"Banish him!" he heard one of his own brothers angrily cry out.
"Burn him alive!" other voices shouted.
As the King rose from his throne, blodstains from the wounded shone darkly on his royal robes. The crowd fell silent in expectation of his decree. The prince, who could not bear to look into his father's face, stared at the flagstones of the floor.
"Take off your gloves and your tunic," the King commanded. The prince obeyed slowly, dreading to have his metamorphosis uncovered before the kingdom. Was his shame not already enough? He had hoped for a quick death without further humiliation. Sounds of revulsion rippled through the crowd at the sight of the prince's thick, scaled skin and the ridge growing along his spine.
The King strode toward his son, and the prince steeled himself, fully expecting a back-handed blow even though he had never been struck so by his father.
Instead, his father embraced him and wept as he held him tightly. In shocked dibelief, the prince buried his face against his father's shoulder.
"Do you wish to be freed from the dragon, my son?"
The prince answered in despair, "I wished it many times, but there is no hope for me."
"Not alone," said the King. "You cannot win against the serpent alone."
"Father, I am no longer your son. I am half beast," sobbed the prince.
But his father replied, "My blood runs in your veins. My nobility has always been stamped deep within your soul."
With his face still hidden tearfully in his father's embrace, the prince heard the King instruct the crowd, "The dragon is crafty. Some fall victim to his wiles and some to his violence. There will be mercy to all who wish to be freed. Who else among you has ridden the dragon?"
The prince lifted his head to see someone emerge from the crowd. To his amazement, he recognized an older brother, one who had been lauded throughout the kingdom for his onslaughts against the dragon in battle and for his many good deeds. Others came, some weeping, others hanging their heads in shame.
The King embraced them all.
"This is our most powerful weapon against the dragon," he announced. "Truth. No more hidden flights. Alone we cannot resist him."

So their it is the parable of the dragon and the King's son. I shall leave it up to personal interpretation, but I share it because to me it contains much wisdom, I hope some of you if not all can benefit from its strength.

2006-11-28T19:54:00.000-08:00

THE PARABLE OF THE DRAGON AND THE KINGS SON.

OK this one is gonna be long, but the message is life-saving. Taken from a book called Pure Desire by Ted Roberts.

There was once a great and noble king whose land was terrorized by a crafty dragon. Like a massive bird of prey, the scaly beast delighted in ravaging villages with his fiery breath. Hapless victims ran from their burning homes, only to be snatched into the dragon's jaws or talons. Those devoured instantly were deemed more fortunate than those carried back to the dragon's lair to be devoured at his leisure. The King led his sons and knights in many valiant battles against the serpent.
Riding alone in the forest, one of the King's sons heard his name purred low and soft. In the shadows of the ferns and trees, curled among the boulders, lay the dragon. The creature's heavy-lidded eyes fastened on the prince, and the reptilian mouth stretched into a friendly smile.
"Don't be alarmed," said the dragon, as gray wisps of smoke rose lazily from his nostrils. "I am not what your father thinks."
"What are you, then?" asked the prince, warily drawing his sword as he pulled in the reins to keep his fearful horse from bolting.
"I am pleasure," said the dragon. "Ride on my back and you will experience more than you ever imagined. Come now. I have no harmful intentions. I seek a friend, someone to share flights with me. Have you never dreamed of flying? Never longed to soar in the clouds?"
Visions of soaring high above the forested hills drew the prince hesitantly from his horse. The dragon unfurled one great webbed wing to serve as a ramp to his ridged back. Between the spiny projections, the prince found a secure seat. Then the creature snapped his powerful wings twice and launched them into the sky. The prince's apprehension melted into awe and exhiliration.
From then on he met the dragon often, but secretly, for how could he tell his father, brothers or the knights that he had befriended the enemy? The prince felt seperate from them all. Their concerns were no longer his concerns. Even when he wasn't with the dragon, he spent less time with those he loved and more time alone.

The skin on the prince's legs became calloused from gripping the ridged back of the dragon, and his hands grew rough and hardened. He began wearing gloves to hide the malady. After many nights of riding, he discovered scales growing on the backs of his hands as well. With dread he realized his fate were he to continue, and so he resolved to return no more to the dragon.
But, after a fortnight, he again sought out the dragon, having been tortured with desire. And so it transpired many times over. No matter what his determination, the prince eventually found himself pulled back, as if by the cords of the invisible web. Silently, patiently the dragon always waited.

Ok I am going to hold you in suspense in hopes of saving my wrists and to gather a return audience to my blog....Stay tuned the conclusion will be here in two days.

2006-11-21T20:02:00.000-08:00

I MUST HAVE BEEN REALLY HUNGRY

Tonight I was invited by a coworker to go to a Buddhist relaxation group. I was fairly hungry and realizing the cupboards were bare, the promise of refreshments proved to be the straw that broke the camels back. So armed with tupperware I took off to the refreshme................I mean Buddhist relaxation group.(jk about the tupperware, i'm not that lame) I was quite curious about what this would all be like, not that I am looking to change religion, but I appreciate a good cultural experience, and hoped a missionary moment would come out of it. When we arrived at this house we removed shoes and went to a room that was too small for the 17 of us. We arrived a little late and the chanting had already begun, so I quietly found the only seat left...IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM and pretended I knew how to chant the prayers that weren't even in English. Luckily the prayer was short, so I thought the experience would end quickly, but they repeated it for the next 10 minutes, after 3 minutes I was getting tired and out of breathe, It felt like a lifetime. It's sort of like getting mugged, it only lasts a few minutes but it seems like a lifetime is passing and you wonder if you're gonna die. For 20 minutes the chanting continued........without ceasing, I mean not even a second. Questions swarmed my oxygen-deprived mind, When will this stop? Will someone get cross if I stop? What will they do if they get cross? When can I breathe? Will they kill me if I stop chanting? How am gonna keep myself entertained through this ordeal? I got an answer to the last one...... ready........ I picked a line that sounded like what they were saying, and just repetaed it, so there I sat chanting "the pickle likes to reggae, it makes my bottom hairy" Ok its weird, but it was keeping me alive and warding off the wrath of the Buddhist nation. The chanting was monotone, so all the words blended and so it didn't really sound like "my bottom is hairy" and when one lipped it, it looked just like the prayer, I found that it gently lulled my immature mind into survival mode...... I was gonna make it. This Buddhist stuff was really working, I was able to find inner peace during external crisis.
Looking around I saw that I was nearly the youngest, most were in their forties and fifties, and one must have been barely 20, she was there with an obviously reluctant boyfriend. He was desperately trying to maintain the chant, look interested and totally focus on the breathing, thank goodness us Mormons have a break between each verse, I've gotta introduce the concept. I decided to play a game in my head called who could chant the longest without stopping. I guessed the young female would outdo us all, heck she was able to roll beads around in her hand while chanting plus hitting the the metal teacup with a stick to signal a new prayer, totally amazing to me. Every ounce of my energy was focused on breathing, remembering my dumb chant and really hoping people would keep chanting to drown out my ridiculous performance. Ahhh the teacup bell, now a new prayer, I have to think of a new chant.........I had no time for beads. Then it happened......the one I had picked out to win went down, she dropped the beads, stopped chanting and stealthily took a swig of her Red Bull. Hah she was weak, it wasn't even halftime and she had already lost, disqualified because of Red Bull and best off all she lived to tell the story. Their were no repercussions, she was gonna be ok, my most pressing questions had been answered, I could stop talking about my hairy bottom and live to tell the story.
After all was said, chanted and done, they had munch and mingle and the refreshments were lame. At least gooey, warm choclotate chip cookies, not the dumb cold hershey kiss plopped down on a pile of rock hard dough, but their it was, a whole platter of Hersheys kisses stranded on islands of dough. On the way home I did get to share the gospel with my co-worker, I talked about God and with an air of despair she told me about how she had stopped believing in God and turned to Buddhism, and how she had a met a Mormon missionary in Japan that promised to go to a Buddhist group if she went to church, so she went, and he didn't hold his promise. That ended her interest in Mormonism, now that I have gone to her group, I hope she will accept my invitation for Sunday morning at 10AM.

2006-11-14T21:22:00.000-08:00

THE BRILLIANT CHESS PLAYING MIND

Refer to the dancing post to get the description, now here's the story. Tonight I witnessed this man playing chess, he was brill. We shrugged off his trash-talking, thinking he didn't have a prayer against one of the more brilliant counselors. The challenge from my newfound homeless, schizo dance partner, went like this "Hey Bobby Fisher, you wanna play chess, four in a row in less than an hour, I beat Bobby Fisher four times in less than an hour." So this unsuspecting counselor sidled up to the table and they set up the battlefield of the minds and with confidence the counselor made his first move. Within literally seconds my friend countered. With each loooooooong seemingly well-thought out move by my co-worker, my friend struck back with lightning speed, this went on about three rounds, when suddenly the trash-talking started......."You lost when you sat down, somebody got a magazine, I need something to read, he's boring......If you move that knight I'm gonna laugh at you" The next move was check mate and my co-worker went down in a blaze of glory. In less than ten minutes my fellow employee had been turfed by a homeless, schizophrenic, and may I add most BRILLIANT man. I still dont know where he found the time to whoop him the way he did around all the trash-talking. Although I should have taken the time to console a counselors bruised ego, I was too proud of my new friend so instead I basked with this him in his victory. Then I conducted his post-match interview, but that is a blog in and of itself..................................... so stay tuned

2006-11-14T09:41:00.000-08:00

How on Earth do you clever people put a title on a post?????

2006-11-14T09:37:00.001-08:00

I'll title my blog...My Blog Duh

2006-11-14T09:37:00.000-08:00

I'll title my blog...My Blog Duh

2006-11-09T22:36:00.000-08:00

I have been told by a few that I need to journalize my current job experience on the psyche ward, unfortunately writing alone will not justify the whole experience. The most inspiring day at work occurred just a few days ago when an old black homeless man taught me his schizophrenically inspired favorite song. I mention he was black not because I am racist, but to stress that although dinosauric in age he still had rhythm, let me further paint the picture then I shall tell the story. We are talking about six foot three, and about 80 pounds, so when he moved he really wriggled, he can move to the rhythm and keep up with the beat.........his own rhythm and his own beat, he has one eye, no teeth, and a reverse mohawk (shaved down the middle and alien dreds sticking out each side, just trying to get the imagery down for y'all. The title of the song The beer rabbit after making sure I had heard the title right, I had him favor me with this piece, are y'all ready for this???? The chorus goes the beer rabbit, the beer rabbit, the beer rabbit, the first (only) verse is a question which is (brace yourselves) Who brings you your beer, well let me tell you its (chorus) Then the great thing about this song is..................................................................................... that its easy to memorize. This song excited my newfound cycloptic friend so, that with each round he started to get groovey, first the head bob and then the beanpole frame stood up and started to shimey all over the unit, and thats when he came up with the second verse......... He looks at me and says come on now rock with me brother. So the head gets going and soon we are both getting down clapping and dancing to my new favorite song. What a great guy he is with the amazing ability to get those with no rhythm to rise up and dance. To think the life he knew was the sidewalks of Boston, and yet he found joy within himself, what a lesson taught.

2006-11-09T22:33:00.000-08:00

I wonder if I'll have two blogs now

An Experiment

2006-11-09T17:03:00.000-08:00

So here I am writing in this big box, but my technological prowess is not prowessing, so I don't know if I am writing a mere description, or am I indeed kicking off my blogging career with this pathetic entry. Well I know what, I'll hang up or signoff or whatever you puter people call it and listen to the message to see how it sounds. If this is indeeD MY FIR (Ahhh... bloomin' Caps Lock) first official blog, then I apologize profusely for its stammering explanation that it has become, and feel safe in the knowledge that...........I shall redeem myself soon.