QUOTES FROM THE LOONEY BIN

"I'm a lesbian" ~ A man patient~

"Captain Jones wants me to call mission control, you've got to let me go they need me"
~ A man patient~

"You've got to rescue me, their holding me against my will"
~Note given to pizza delivery boy by a man patient~



Man patient: You got a girl?
Me: No
Man patient: You got a dog?
Me: No
Man patient: A cat????
Me: No
(pause to allow man patient to come up with the next logical question)
Man Patient: You got roaches???????
Me: Possibly, but I dont think so
Man Patient: Man you really are worse of than I am (Man patient walks off)
Me: (Left baffled and wondering how I'm gonna get my self-esteem back)


Me: Hey your slips showing
Man patient: Oh no (reaches down to frantically pull down jeans to cover up visual hallucination)


Man Patient: Hey I've got Diarrea wanna buy some.
Me: What would I use it for
Man patient: You could use it as gravy for your rice
Me: Thats disgusting
Man patient: Alright then you can buy a lump for fifty cents a pound. ( salesman voice)