A lot of the time the strengths we perceive in ourselves are indeed our weaknesses. I have often prided myself in my honesty, in fact have been curiously proud about this trait, but I wonder how honest I have been with myself. I look back and I have been honest at the most difficult of times and rendered myself completely vulnerable due to brutal honesty. Yet I question my level of self-honesty, it has harmed friendships and teriffies me. I sit here after giving council to a patient to continue talking about her feelings, and now I sit here thinking to myself HYPOCRITE!!!!!!!................Jer you're a bit of a crit. Honestly I don't share feelings well, and then wonder why I feel so much of the time disconnected. Even when my life is fairly well-aligned with that of my heavenly dad, I still have strong bouts of disconnectedness. I look at the lives of those I frequently come in contact with and am jealous, jealous of friendships, connections and wonder or fool myself into believing that I dont have those. I wonder if I can't recognize them and am realize that I may encroach upon sabotaging the ones that I do have, like a self-fulfilling prophecy. When a friendship occurs, it becomes strange and unnatural so I excuse it away, wow this has been enlightening. Thanks for hearing me out bloggin world, I am facing hard realities and you know what its fun. Embrace the challenge and its fun.